Lust Facts :Always aroused: A good thing gone awry

we should all be careful what we wish for when we are wishing for more feelings of desire. “Anything unrelenting is torture.”
Suze has begun conversations with doctors this way: "I want to talk to you about something, but you have to give me your word you will not laugh or give a flippant response because it is a serious situation."
In short, Suze has too much of a good thing. For days, sometimes weeks at a time, she feels constantly aroused, but can't get any satisfaction.
Despite the preamble, though, "one doctor looked at me and said, 'What a lucky man your husband is! I wish my wife had this,'" says Suze, 63, a retired nurse in Florida. Others have asked, "So, is this like being a nymphomaniac?"
Hardly. Suze, who asked that her last name not be published, has what is now called persistent genital arousal disorder, or PGAD. It was first named by sex therapist Sandra Leiblum in 2001 as persistent sexual arousal syndrome, but as Leiblum and others have begun studying patients, she decided that it was more a disorder than a syndrome, a syndrome being a constellation of symptoms that suggest the presence of true disease.
In a recent article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Leiblum and her co-authors identified a series of medical and psychological traits, including depression and panic attacks, that can accompany PGAD. Though some women are helped by psychiatric drugs, Leiblum strenuously resists the idea that the problem is necessarily psychological. “I do think there is always some organic contribution, but we just do not know what it is.”
Exactly what it is remains murky, but Suze’s symptoms, like that of other sufferers, involves a feeling of "fullness" — a constant engorgement — of the genitals that is unprompted by erotic thoughts or feelings.
"I could be in the middle of a tennis game [or] playing canasta," Suze says, "and then suddenly have this intense urge for intimacy. I could masturbate five times or 105 times and it would only make it worse."
Leiblum, who is now in private practice in Bridgewater, N.J., and treats a wide variety of sexual and relationship complaints, says her description of the disorder did not occur until 2001 because, like most sex therapists (and sex columnists), she heard many more complaints about lack of desire and arousal than she ever heard about too much of it.
Some women with PGAD tried approaching doctors, Leiblum says, but “I took it seriously and listened to what women were telling me. I said to myself, ‘This is bizarre and different from anything else I have heard of,’ but I believed what women told me rather than writing them off.”
Nobody knows how many women might suffer from PGAD. And the feeling of genital arousal is not always unwelcome. Some women like it. But if it is not causing distress, it is not considered a disorder, and so such women cannot be said to truly have PGAD. The ones who do describe a living hell.
Just repressed?
Heather Dearmon, a 33-year-old housewife and mother in South Carolina, became so desperate she voluntarily had herself committed — twice — to psychiatric institutions. “One psychiatrist said I must be sexually repressed and needed to experiment more," she says. "He suggested I try lesbianism.”
Her symptoms began during her pregnancy with her son. She asked her ob-gyn, who suggested that the pregnancy may have played havoc with Dearmon’s hormones and advised waiting it out, hoping the urges would subside after the birth. “But the day after I gave birth they came back,” she recalls.
The feelings were so intense and so persistent that she was unable to ignore them or even carry out daily functions. “It got to the point where morning, afternoon and night I had to take care of it. But the more you masturbate, the more you desensitize yourself so it would take a good hour to have three orgasms. This is at the point when I started to become suicidal. My whole life was being robbed from me.” She began pushing her husband away because she treasured any time she was not feeling aroused.
Finally, with her fears mounting over plans for a long family car trip, a doctor prescribed the anti-anxiety medication Paxil. Soon after beginning dosing herself, she found the urges became less frequent. Now, she can go up to 10 days without having to masturbate, though by day seven the arousal, focused on her clitoris, is often severe.
Why this happens remains a mystery. Research is still at an early stage, but some tantalizing hints have begun to emerge. One of Leiblum’s collaborators in England has found that some women complaining of PGAD can have concomitant conditions like a yeast infection or a dermatological outbreak around the genitals. But Leiblum stresses that the only thing for sure is that both can happen at the same time, not that one causes the other.
Sometimes biofeedback techniques can help, suggests sex researcher Beverly Whipple. “A couple of women were very successful,” she says.
Sex and the brain
Whipple, Leiblum and Rutgers University psychology professor Barry Komisaruk (Whipple’s co-author of their 2006 book, "The Science of Orgasm") are currently using MRIs to examine the brains of women suffering from PGAD in hopes of discovering how the central nervous system might play a role.
The PGAD mystery is just one of several linking the brain with too much arousal. One woman had spontaneous orgasms while brushing her teeth though she did not have orgasms while having intercourse or masturbating. The tooth brushing apparently triggered epileptic seizures that, in turn, caused the orgasms. (People with epilepsy sometimes do experience what is called “orgasmic aura.” In some cases, patients have been known to refuse treatment because they like the sensations.) Another woman had orgasms due to a vascular abnormality in her brain.
Men with obsessive-compulsive disorder have been known to have unwanted and unexpected erections. Parkinson’s patients can become hypersexual. So can people with brain injuries.

Men with a condition called priapism also can have too much of a good thing. Those constant reminders at the end of commercials for impotence drugs tell men that if they have an erection lasting four hours or longer they should seek medical advice. What they don’t say is that you might have priapism, an erection that simply won’t go away. Unlike PGAD, priapism does not usually result in a man craving release, it’s just very painful, a hydraulic malfunction that can be treated by — have a seat men — sticking a needle into the penis to draw blood out.
But even that gruesome scenario is nothing compared to what some of the women suffering from PGAD say they have experienced.

Future of Love and Sex - Robots soon will become more human-like in appearance, researcher says

The New York Times has a review of British AI researcher David Levy's book 'Love and Sex with Robots'. He claims that within a span of about 50 years the day will come when people could actually fall in love with life-like robots. While this may seem far fetched at first, he has some pretty interesting views. 'He begins with what scientists know about why humans fall in love with other humans. There are 10 factors, he writes, including mystery, reciprocal liking, and readiness to enter a relationship. Why can't these factors apply to robots, too?' The case he builds goes much further though, and certainly provides food for thought."
Sex and marriage with robots? It could happen
Humans could marry robots within the century. And consummate those vows.

"My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots," artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands told LiveScience. Levy recently completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships, covering many of the privileges and practices that generally come with marriage as well as outside of it.

At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, "but once you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon," Levy said.

The idea of romance between humanity and our artistic and/or mechanical creations dates back to ancient times, with the Greek myth of the sculptor Pygmalion falling in love with the ivory statue he made named Galatea, to which the goddess Venus eventually granted life.

This notion persists in modern times. Not only has science fiction explored this idea, but 40 years ago, scientists noticed that students at times became unusually attracted to ELIZA, a computer program designed to ask questions and mimic a psychotherapist.

"There's a trend of robots becoming more human-like in appearance and coming more in contact with humans," Levy said. "At first robots were used impersonally, in factories where they helped build automobiles, for instance. Then they were used in offices to deliver mail, or to show visitors around museums, or in homes as vacuum cleaners, such as with the Roomba. Now you have robot toys, like Sony's Aibo robot dog, or Tickle Me Elmos, or digital pets like Tamagotchis."

In his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," Levy conjectures that robots will become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people will fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them.

"It may sound a little weird, but it isn't," Levy said. "Love and sex with robots are inevitable."

Sex with robots in 5 years
Levy argues that psychologists have identified roughly a dozen basic reasons why people fall in love, "and almost all of them could apply to human-robot relationships. For instance, one thing that prompts people to fall in love are similarities in personality and knowledge, and all of this is programmable. Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that's programmable too."

In 2006, Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, predicted that people will be having sex with robots within five years, and Levy thinks that's quite likely. There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, "and it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration," he said, or endowing the robots with a few audio responses. "That's fairly primitive in terms of robotics, but the technology is already there."

As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result. "One hundred years ago, interracial marriage and same-sex marriages were illegal in the United States. Interracial marriage has been legal now for 50 years, and same-sex marriage is legal in some parts of the states," Levy said. "There has been this trend in marriage where each partner gets to make their own choice of who they want to be with."

"The question is not if this will happen, but when," Levy said. "I am convinced the answer is much earlier than you think."

When and where it'll happen
Levy predicts Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize human-robot marriage. "Massachusetts is more liberal than most other jurisdictions in the United States and has been at the forefront of same-sex marriage," Levy said. "There's also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT."

Although roboticist Ronald Arkin at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta does not think human-robot marriages will be legal anywhere by 2050, "anything's possible. And just because it's not legal doesn't mean people won't try it," he told LiveScience.

"Humans are very unusual creatures," Arkin said. "If you ask me if every human will want to marry a robot, my answer is probably not. But will there be a subset of people? There are people ready right now to marry sex toys."

The main benefit of human-robot marriage could be to make people who otherwise could not get married happier, "people who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities," Levy said. "Of course, such people who completely give up the idea of forming relationships with other people are going to be few and far between, but they will be out there."

Ethical questions
The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?" Arkin asked. "I don't think anyone has the answers for that yet — that's where future research needs to be done."

Keeping a robot for sex could reduce human prostitution and the problems that come with it. However, "in a marriage or other relationship, one partner could be jealous or consider it infidelity if the other used a robot," Levy said. "But who knows, maybe some other relationships could welcome a robot. Instead of a woman saying, 'Darling, not tonight, I have a headache,' you could get 'Darling, I have a headache, why not use your robot?' "

sex factors

Maleness or femaleness as a constituent element or influence contributing to the production of a result. It may be applicable to the cause or effect of a circumstance. It is used with human or animal concepts but should be differentiated from sex characteristics, anatomical or physiological manifestations of sex, and from sex distribution, the number of males and females in given circumstances.
sex factor -->
The prototype conjugative plasmid associated with conjugation in the K-12 strain of Escherichia coli.

Synonym: F agent, F-factor, F genote, F-genote, fertility agent, fertility factor, sex factor.

Lust for Loving feel

Lust for Loving feel:

Like friendship, love can die. And sometimes the cause is just boredom and benign neglect.

IF DIVORCES are on the rise, what does it say about society and that crazy little thing called love? That “I love you” doesn’t mean that much anymore?

That values like faithfulness, commitment, loyalty and patience are in short supply?

That the belief that the family is the building block of society – and marriage the foundation of the family – is being chipped away?

That love is no guarantee a marriage will last? That marriage is no guarantee love will last? And that even if love doesn’t last, marriage is no longer the glue that holds couples and families together?

That love between a couple can actually die?

A recent study of the United States, Russia and the Scandinavian countries suggested that the traditional “seven-year itch” has been replaced by the five-year itch.

In the 1950s, the rule of thumb was that amber lights would flash when a marriage hit the seven-year mark. Today, couples are at their greatest risk of divorcing just before their fifth wedding anniversary.

The thing about folks like me who’ve never been married and who are maybe harbouring a secret longing to be (if we find the right person, of course) is that we’re incurable romantics.

We believe in the power of love. We actually think people mean it when they utter that till-death-do-us-part bit in their vows.

We place the institution on a pedestal and cling to fairytale ideals and images even when all around us we see daily evidence of how married life can, in fact, be pretty dreary and dreadful, the grind of housework, finances to be managed, children’s homework to be supervised and just general petty marital annoyances.

Yet, when I hear that couples I know are divorcing, I always feel sad and even let down.

How can it be that if you’ve been lucky enough to find the love of your life (for you must have, to have married each other, right?), you can no longer bear to be in each other’s company? How can you let that love slip away?

Then again, whoever said that the feeling would last forever?

When it comes to love, we’re at the mercy of our biochemistry, say researchers.

One of the best-known experts in this subject is anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, the United States.

Love, she says, comes in three flavours and each involves different hormones and chemicals in our bodies.

Stage one is lust, that intense longing driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen which “get you out looking for anything”.

Stage two is attraction, that wondrous love-struck phase when you feel exhilarated and think obsessively of that one person.

Neurotransmitters called monoamines come into play here. There’s dopamine, which gives you waves of exquisite pleasure even over the smallest thing about your beau.

There’s also norepinephrine, which makes you sweat and your heart beat faster, and serotonin, which has a similar chemical appearance to people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.

If a relationship lasts, attachment takes over as the third stage (some experts say the transition from attraction to attachment can take 30 months). It is the bond that keeps couples together, especially when they go on to have children.

Two hormones are released: oxytocin which is released by both sexes during orgasm and helps them bond; and vasopressin, which supports behaviour that leads to long-term commitment.

When disaster strikes

The big problem, though, is that one person can experience the three stages at the same time, with disastrous consequences.

Says Dr Fisher: “You can feel deep attachment for a long-term spouse, while you feel romantic love for someone else, while you feel the sex drive in situations unrelated to either partner.”

The result? Adultery, pain, anger, jealousy and ultimately even divorce.

The thing about love I’ve found is that familiarity does breed contempt or at least boredom, and you’ve really got to work to keep the feeling going.

Little things about your partner that were sweet in the beginning inevitably start to sour once you’ve past the lovesick stage.

Little annoyances can accumulate to make you explode.

But for some, love has a use-by date. Just as friendship between platonic friends can outlive itself, so, too, can long-term romantic love.

I’ve found that love can disappear for a variety of reasons. The cause can be sensational, such as when a partner does something that hurts and deceives you.

More often though, the reasons are prosaic, like over-familiarity, boredom and benign neglect. And with the first-stage lust long gone, the love is quickly spent and you just aren’t into each other anymore.

Still, to have loved and lost must surely be better than to have never loved at all. – The Straits Times Singapore / Asia News Network

Love and lust : Love neglected for lust

"Love, an emotion so strong that you would give up everything. To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love." -- Source Unknown

Marriage has been an honorable institution for countless centuries. We have taken it from an arranged marriage to love, then in our times love that is "conditional."

I can almost hear the words changing in the sacred line "Till death do us part" to "Maybe, if you stay young and gorgeous."

Our divorce rates are skyrocketing, and we neglect love for lust.

A bigger controversy lurking in our society still remains. It could tear families apart. We have denied a certain faction of our population the right to have this bond, not just to claim someone on their taxes, but also to have the right to be married lawfully.

This is a repulsive virus spreading through our communities. It is called anti-gay marriage.

I think this topic needs to be addressed over and over again until people realize we are not here to say who can get married and who can't. It is not for us to declare, and I think that if people would just stop reviling gay marriage we could get the bigger and better picture.

Everyone is concerned about different things related to this subject. What would this do to our communities? How would people react? Wouldn't this cause more corruption in society?

Well, the answers are simple. Look to your hearts and comprehend that these two people, whether female or male partners, want the same love classified as your love. They want to know that when they walk down the street holding hands, it is accepted in society. No one wants his or her ways to be shunned!

What about the children of these same-sex parents? Will they turn into being gay as well? Well get your nose out of the air and realize that these children are their own people. They have their own minds and thoughts, and can't be influenced that easily.

With so many broken homes in our country, we should understand that these kids will get better homes.

I don't think their kids will be affected; I personally know this to be true.

Everyone needs to get off of his or her high horse and come back to Earth. We need to accept and love everyone no matter what his or her life is like.

My personal opinion about this is that if we love them, aren't we the better people? This is coming from someone of a conservative background, so I have learned how to not be so judgmental about life situations. I have friends and family members that want this to happen so their love and matrimony will be recognized.

We all need to stop judging, and we need to accept them with vivacity as much as the next change in society will be.

Stephanie Ward is a staff writer for the University Journal. She can be reached at sward@suujournal.com.

Hiten talks about love & lust

Hiten Tejwani reveals all.


Your first crush...

I really can’t remember.

Your first date...

That was when I was in college. I was in Jai Hind. She was in the same college. We went to the nearby Satkar restaurant.

Your idea of a perfect date...

With my wife Gauri on a beautiful island. We both loves beaches. So, it would be just perfect for us.

What qualities do you look for in a woman?

It’s not about external appearance, but inner beauty. Somebody who is a nice person and understanding. If she has a good sense of humour that would be the icing on the cake.

What was your first relationship like?

I was in my teens then. It was when I was in college. Actually it was a learning experience.

What do you think about lust versus love?

Where there is love there is lust.

What is romance to you?

It’s about being there for each other always.

Who’d you like to get dirty with on an island?

So many of them!!

Do you believe in the institution of marriage?

Yes of course. Marriage is a serious matter. Whoever plans to get married must remember they are getting into a bond which is forever. Two people in a marriage have to make it work. They are two different individuals who’ve come together and there are bound to be some differences. It’s all about adjusting and having a good understanding.

Your take on infidelity?

Why cheat on your partner and put your marriage in trouble. It makes no sense.

Lust, not love, the driving factor behind sex

RESEARCHERS in the US have found that the motivation for having sex is largely the same for men and women, seemingly shattering the myth that the genders have different reasons for racing to the bedroom.

The researchers compiled a list of 237 reasons given by US college students for getting frisky - and the top reasons for men and women were more to do with lust than a deep love connection.

What are your top reasons? Is it all over after uni?
Tell us using the form below »

The findings would apparently contradict the assumption by some that it is only men who are motivated by lust, whereas women only want sex as an expression of a deep emotional feeling.

Seven of the top 10 reasons for men revolve around the pleasure of the act. The top response was "I was attracted to the person", while "It feels good", "It's fun" and "I wanted to experience pleasure" were also in the top four.

For women, the top response was the same: "I was attracted to the person". Six of the remaining nine answers in the top 10 were also centred on the women feeling pleasure from the act.

Three of the top 10 reasons for men and women involved providing pleasure to the partner. For women, those reasons rated slightly higher on the leaderboard.

The study was compiled - and paid for - by researchers at the University of Texas over five years and published in the August edition of the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

"It's refuted a lot of gender stereotypes ... that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love," University of Texas clinical psychology professor Cindy Meston, the study's co-author, told the Associated Press.

"That's not what I came up with in my findings. None of the gender differences are all that great.

"Men were more likely to be opportunistic towards having sex, so if sex were there and available they would jump on it, somewhat more so than women. Women were more likely to have sex because they felt they needed to please their partner."

Another expert who was not involved in the study said its findings backed up other research suggesting the often-assumed sexual differences between men and women were only factors for those with sexual problems.

Prof Meston did concede, however, that the study's focus on university students - whose "hormones run rampant" - might have affected the findings.

She said more differences may emerge as people grow older.

The bottom five reasons given by men and women were surprisingly vindictive, ranging from "I wanted to punish myself" or "I wanted to end my relationship" to "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease".

Benefits also figured in the bottom rungs of the list. "I wanted to get a job" was fifth from bottom for men, while "The person offered to give me drugs for doing it" was the very lowest ranked.

"I wanted to get a job" and "I wanted a raise" were among the bottom reasons given by women.

Technorati : factor behind love, factor behind sex

Most people have loves of varying types - of Love and Lust

Thinking a lot about love. Like almost any human being, I've had plenty of encounters with love - but I'm not really sure I understand what it is. Love takes many forms. A parent loves a child, a child loves a parent, a sister loves a brother, a man loves his wife or partner, and people love their pets, etc. A person might love chocolate, or gardening, an automobile, a sport, sex, clothes, tools, wine or poetry - or a religion, an intellectual pursuit, a language, or physics.

Most people have loves of varying types - and often love feels like a positive thing, but not always. Love can feel suffocating, hurtful, toxic or destructive to the lover, the beloved, or both. Love contains a complex range of emotional possibilities - it can feel like a cuddly bundle of joy one moment and a howling terror the next. Love can gestate over months or years, or appear suddenly on an unsuspecting person's doorstep… wanted or unwanted. It takes love to provide a blueprint and job experience for a family.

I've known men who said they loved me, and a few whose actions demonstrated affection whether they professed love or not. At times I've believed that I loved a man, only to discover the illusory nature of the experience and the selective or deceptive nature of my perceptions. I suspect that men inflict as much harm on fellow men in the name of love as they do in the name of war, only subtly. Some folks speak of "tough love," and some people speak of a nebulous "love for humanity" as though love constitutes a God-given or universally recognized permission slip to inflict one's desires and demands upon others.

When a man forces his sexual will onto an unwilling partner, we call that rape - or a gang rape, when a group of men participates. Yet when a man or a group of men force their political demands onto unwilling people folks call that good citizenship. A group of men who demand a society free of drugs stop at nothing to achieve it - even when the old and the terminally ill suffer, and they may soon insist on regulating people's vitamin use too. "We'll hurt you and you'd better thank us for it" seems an apt motto for this sort of lusty fanaticism. A drug-free society means a lot of unhappy people forced to endure a lot of pain, or driven to black market dealers - that's brotherly unkindness, not brotherly love.

A group of men determined to free the world of other people's tyrannies will enslave the world for the sake of their own and call that freedom. They're good citizens, and when I exercise self-restraint by not voting, I'm a slacker. At least I'm still free to OD on disgust. If abstinence from casual sex is responsible, how can abstinence from sleazy politics be irresponsible? If I refuse to show up at the voting booth to take my marginal crap-shot at infecting an entire society with politically transmitted social afflictions, I'm irresponsible because I prefer not to inflict high-risk political behavior onto everybody else? Get thee away from my backside, Satan… please keep your dirty political leverage to yourself.

I'm ready to reclaim the word "love" for general usage by reclaiming the word "lust" for general usage as well. What does "tough love" mean, if not unbending lust for assuming positions of political dominance or moral superiority over other people? What does "love for humanity" usually mean, if not condescending lust to nourish one's ego at the expense of a bemused world which might prefer benign tolerance to inadvertent ego-stroking for smugly paternalistic philanthropists of any and all persuasions or orientations?

Lust gets a bad rap as one of the seven deadly sins, and for good reason - yet lust drives the sensible man toward admirable behavior, while love tows the silly man into foolish behavior. If lust can challenge a man to behave well while love can provoke a man to behave badly, does it seem reasonable to consider lust bad and love good? Maybe some deeper meaning got lost in translation… maybe so many tongues stirring the pot spoil the alphabet soup called language that people use to communicate. How can the dead letter kill unless people voluntarily or involuntarily swallow it as a poison? How can the spirit or the Word give life unless people ingest it as an antidote to dead letter poisoning?

I'm tired of seeing lust masquerade as love, giving love a bad name, when lust and love cohabitate along the same spectrum of emotions. Apparently lust - in the "deadly sin" sense - represents a debased form of love that ceases to observe conscientious boundaries and forces itself onto others in unloving, and not necessarily sexual, ways. Conversely, love represents a refined form of lust capable of elevating a mere human being beyond lowlier forms of lust, and above coercive expressions of human desire or affection.

Lust forces itself on unwilling partakers, in other words, while love doesn't - or what's the meaningful difference? It seems wise to preemptively master our own deadly lusts long before they betray us into attacking genuine forms of love that we may not be capable of recognizing because we can't accurately distinguish love from lust. Perhaps that's not our judgment call anyway. The forms of love that busybodies seem most eager to stick their uppity noses into appear to be consensual adult relationships where busybodies are least wanted - and that's obscene.

Technorati : Love and Lust

Worms offer clues to human sexuality : Sexual Orientation Hard-Wired in Worm Brains

Sponsor : www.lustnews.blogspot.com Sexual orientation seems to be wired into the brains of nematode worms, and tweaking this sexual wiring can result in worms attracted to members of the same sex.Biologists at the University of Utah have engineered worms that are attracted to worms of the same sex, bolstering evidence that sexual orientation may be hard-wired in the brain.

"The conclusion is that sexual attraction is wired into brain circuits common to both sexes of worms," said researcher Erik Jorgensen, scientific director of the Brain Institute at the University of Utah and an investigator with the Howard Hughes Medical Institute.

The blue spot on the left contains sexual attractants from nematode worms that are hermaphrodites, or have male and female organs. The other spot does not. (Courtesy of the University of Utah )

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While the study involved only worms, Jorgensen and his colleagues considered how the results shed light on sexual attraction throughout the animal kingdom.

"We cannot say what this means for human sexual orientation, but it raises the possibility that sexual preference is wired in the brain," Jorgensen said. "Humans are subject to evolutionary forces just like worms. It seems possible that if sexual orientation is genetically wired in worms, it would be in people too."

Sensual scents

While most nematode worms (Caenorhabditis elegans) are hermaphrodites, having both male and female sex organs, one in 500 nematodes is a true male.

The hermaphrodites are essentially females," said lead study author Jamie White, a member of Jorgensen's lab. "It just turns out they make a little bit of sperm during development that they store to fertilize their own eggs."

The ability to reproduce without a mate is crucial for the slender worms, which reside in the soil, where it's hit or miss as to whether they come across a sporadic bacteria bloom - a meal.

This way, when a lone worm spots such a feast, it doesn't have to wait around for a mate to take advantage of the nutrition and reproduce.

Male nematodes, however, must seek out a mate in order to reproduce.

Since like all nematodes the males lack eyes, they sniff out sex-attractant odors called pheromones to find potential mates.

This olfactory obligation could explain why males have a nervous system that includes eight sensory neurons (out of 383 total nerve cells) that aid in pheromone detection.

Female nematodes, however, only have four of these sensory neurons, general sensory neurons which they use for finding food and other sweet-smelling substances.

Sex change

Jorgensen and his colleagues were interested in finding out how the nervous system, which is directed by genetics, affected the sexual behaviors of the worms.

The researchers activated the so-called "fem-3" gene in the brains of hermaphrodite worms.

The gene is responsible for the development of male-specific features of cells in the body and nervous system, but the scientists only switched on those in the worms' brain cells.

"The body cells are expressing the genes it normally would in the hermaphrodite," White told LiveScience. "The neurons themselves - we flipped this genetic switch to turn them into male."

Before the brain-sex change, the hermaphrodites showed no interest in the pheromones of other hermaphrodites - members of their own sex.

The genetically altered hermaphrodites (or transgender ones), however, crawled toward the same-sex scents.

Most of the transgender worms still lacked the male-specific sensory neurons, even though the fem-3 gene was activated.

White suggests they relied on the four general sensory neurons for pheromone sniffing.

The study is detailed online today in the journal Current Biology.

Technorati : Worms, human sexuality

Lust for sex is depand on Size of brain

Lust for sex is a common factor

Australian scientists have found out what part of the brain is responsible for sexual attraction between people. They also found out that the bigger that part of the brain is, the faster and more intense man's excitement is.
The researchers, a group of neurophysiologists from the University of Melbourne, say that the degree of excitement depends upon the activity of the part of the brain called 'amygdala'. This part of the brain has the size of an almond. When you feel sexual irritants, the amygdala will respond faster than any other part of the brain.

Before the researchers discoverd this, it was already believed that the amygdala was responsible for attraction between animals.

After examining 45 epilictics of whom part of the brain is not working, amygdala included, it turned out that the amygdala plays a large role in the sexual experience. The bigger the amygdala, the bigger the sexual lust. People with large parts of the amygdala not functioning were almost indifferent to sex.

Technorati : lust and brain

Lust : Is What I'm Feeling Infatuation or Love?

Lustnews

There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don't have when we're feeling love. Some of the "symptoms" of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our "partner in infatuation" and their love for us. We're miserable when they're away, almost like we're not complete unless we're with them. It's a rush and it's intense. It's difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.

Do any of these "symptoms" resemble feelings of love? Hardly. So why do we become infatuated? Where does it come from? Perhaps it's biological.

When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation. People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving the intoxicating effects of these substances and may be "infatuation junkies".

When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends.

Technorati : Infatuation or Love

Sex genes in addiction? :Study links faster habit formation in females with genes on sex chromosomes

"I think [the study is] very cool," said Ronald See at the Medical University of South Carolina, who was not involved in this research. The investigators have established a simple method for teasing out sex and hormonal differences that can now be applied to behavioral tests, he said.

Sex differences in addictive behavior, long linked to female hormones, may also be driven by genetic factors, according to a new study published online in Nature Neuroscience.

A now-classic study that compared male and female responses to cocaine showed that females were more sensitive to the drug's reward effects during the estrus phase of their menstrual cycle, establishing the theory that hormone levels influence addictive behavior. But the contribution of sex chromosomes was not previously examined because there was no technique for separating hormonal factors from genetic ones.

Jane Taylor of Yale University and colleagues identified a naturally occurring mutant mouse in which males lacked a gene on the Y chromosome called SRY that is responsible for the formation of testes. These mutants, while chromosomally male, did not develop testes. The researchers then inserted the SRY gene onto an autosomal chromosome of a mutant male -- which developed normal testes -- and crossed that animal with a normal female. The resulting strain consisted of four phenotypes: genetic males with testes; genetic males with ovaries; genetic females with ovaries; and genetic females with testes.

"Until this mouse model we didn't have a way of addressing this issue," first author Jennifer Quinn, also from Yale, told The Scientist.

The researchers examined the speed with which the gonad-crossed mice formed a habitual behavior in response to food. The mice were trained to poke their noses in one of three holes in order to receive food. But when they were taught that the food was no longer tasty, genetically female mice -- regardless of their gonadal status -- continued the nose-poking behavior out of habit, even though they stopped eating the food. (When trained long enough, all four phenotypes developed the habit.)

The study doesn't contradict the body of data that implicates hormones like estrogen and progesterone in addictive behaviors, said Quinn, but it is the first demonstration there may be a sex-linked genetic component as well.

Teasing out addictive behaviors that are more strongly associated with sex-related genes could allow scientists to look for specific X-linked or Y-linked genes that could be targets for addiction therapies, said Quinn.

But she added that the study only indirectly addressed addiction behavior, since the researchers used a food response rather than a drug of abuse. While she plans to test responses to drugs of abuse using this experimental model, she said the results suggest that depression and conditions such as Tourette's syndrome, which have components of compulsive behavior, might also be affected by sex chromosomes.

Wendy Lynch from the University of Virginia, who was not involved in the study, said the research addressed a component of addiction that hasn't been given much attention. Most studies on drug addiction have focused on the initial reward -- the euphoric feeling -- that comes with satisfying a craving, but this work instead looked at habitual or compulsive behavior that contributes to addiction but often sets in later.

The results give a "hint or suggestion that females could develop compulsive behavior faster," Lynch said.

"It could certainly have implications on how learning [in general] takes place," as well as other motivation behaviors, See said.

"It really makes you wonder what else might be going on here," said Lynch. "I think there's going to be a lot of work that follows on this. I think it's going to be exciting."

Technorati : sex chromosomes

SEPARATING LUST AND LOVE # 1

. LUST—RESPONDING TO IMPRINTED SEXUAL FANTASIES

A. Where Does Lust Come From?

Lust is the sexual feeling we find arising within ourselves
when we meet a person who triggers our sexual responses.
Our sexual responses were imprinted into us at an early age
—probably before age 20 and perhaps most importantly during adolescence.

We might like to think that our sexual responses came from our animal ancestors,
but that would not explain why we are aroused by
words, stories, myths, settings, clothing, etc.
We get 'turned on' by all kinds of things that have strong symbolic content,
which is not possible for the other animals,
since they do not use abstract symbols.

But it seems safe to assume that human lusting
has been happening for at least 100,000 years,
which marks the beginning of our symbolic capacity
and the emergence of human language.
These early humans probably had different sexual imprinting,
but they were probably 'turned on' by sexy stories just as we are.

Which people really 'turn us on'
—even if we do not know them personally?
What are our best lust-objects?
Heterosexual males find themselves sexually attracted
to conventionally-sexy females.
Heterosexual females find themselves sexually attracted
to conventionally-sexy males.
Just switch the lust-objects for most homosexual males and females.

We grow up knowing that we lust after certain kinds of people.


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B. Does Our Lust-Response Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

When we were teen-agers we lusted after others our own age.
And it now appears that those we lusted for in our youth
remain inside our sexual brains for the rest of our lives.
Thus as our bodies and minds get older and more mature,
our sexual responses do not mature along with us.
We still find ourselves 'turned on' by the images that aroused us in our teen years.

We might find ourselves torn between
the mature adults we have become in every other way
and the 'adolescent' sexual responses that still control our sexual brains.


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C. How Should We Respond to the Lust We Find within Ourselves?

Even tho we discover that we cannot change the lusty stories in our brains,
we are always responsible for the sexual behavior we create from those impulses.
Some of us experience no conflict between our sexual imprinting
and the behavior that naturally follows from it.
We might actually enjoy the resulting sexual behavior.

But if as we become more mature adults,
we do not like the specific sexual response we find within ourselves,
then we have the difficult task of re-creating our sexuality
so that it reflects more the persons we have become in adulthood
than the teen-agers we were some years ago.


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II. ROMANTIC LOVE—HOW OUR HEARTS WERE TRAINED TO 'FALL IN LOVE'.

One of the most common alternatives to lusting is loving.
But the kind of love we usually mean is romantic love,
which also might lead us into problems.

A. Where Does Romantic Love Come From?

Just as we might like to believe that our human sexuality is 'natural',
so we usually assume that 'falling in love' comes naturally.
But historical investigation has discovered
that what we know as romantic love is only about 800 years old.
This seems shocking and impossible to us as first,
since we know that people have been mating and reproducing for millions of years.
But if we clearly separate lust from love,
we can see that lust might have accounted for the sexual behavior of our ancestors
even if they could never have understood a romantic Hollywood movie.

Romantic love is a cultural construct,
which has been spread over the whole Earth by the mass media.
Before radio, television, and movies—100 years ago—
large parts of the world had never heard of 'falling in love'.
They still had sexual relationships and families, of course,
but the fantasy of romantic love did not run their relationships.

Romantic love is basically an emotional story we tell ourselves.
By means of the mass media, we have been programmed
so that we 'fall in love' following the patterns prescribed in the Hollywood script.
We try to reproduce a fantasy feeling.
We 'fall in love' with the Dream Lover we brought with us
when we set out to find "someone to love".


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B. Does Our Romantic Response Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

Because we have learned how to 'fall in love' from the surrounding culture,
it is also possible to unlearn this emotional programming.
However, if we are enjoying the game of romance,
we might not want to be awakened from that dream.
Only when the romantic delusion starts to fall apart
do we begin to look for more mature ways of loving.

So, at least for some people, romantic love can be replaced by relationships
not based on emotional responses learned from the culture
but based on the two persons as they are re-inventing themselves to be.
Meaningful loving relationships can be created
completely beyond the romantic mythology.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C. How Should We Respond to the Romantic Feelings We Find within Ourselves?

Many of us have few problems with the romantic responses we experience.
We enjoy the game of falling in and out of love.
And we will continue to seek new romantic adventures for the rest of our lives.

We might decide that the game of romance is harmless,
as long as all players realize
that they are trying to re-create a story they saw on television.

But after a few more cycles on the merry-go-round of love,
we might ask whether we want to repeat this fantasy-script.

A more mature response can leave the romantic fantasies behind
and proceed to create relationships beyond romantic illusions.


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III. BEYOND BOTH LUST AND LOVE—CREATING UNIQUE RELATIONSHIPS.

A. Where Do Relationships Come From?

As strange as it might seem to some people at first,
it is possible to create relationships beyond our imprinted sex-scripts (the lust response)
and beyond our emotionally-programmed romantic feelings (the love response).
These relationships will be based in something much more substantial
—in the new persons we are creating ourselves to be.

In other words, loving relationships based in Authenticity
emerge from the actual interaction of two people who are building that relationship.
Piece by piece, we can create new patterns of being together
that have never been attempted before.
We are not prisoners of our imprinted sex-scripts.
We do not need to replicate romantic feelings we leaned from the movies.

What we choose as our central purposes in life
can also become central to our loving relationships.
In freedom we can re-create our selves—and our relationships.


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B. Do Our Loving Relationships Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

When our loving relationships are based on our own free choices
rather than our imprinted sexual fantasies
or the romantic traditions we picked up from society,
then we are also free to change our relationships as the years go by.
In fact, it is very likely that we will create new dimensions of our relationships
while we let some older aspects die away as no longer meaningful.
If we become more Authentic in new ways,
those changes will also show themselves in our relationships.
Our sexual responses will probably remain the same.
And the romantic tradition will continue into the foreseeable future.
But as free persons, we can create new kinds of relationships.


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C. How Do We Conduct and Transform Our Loving Relationships?

When we were still allowing our connections with others
to be shaped by our sexual responses and our romantic dreams,
we had to fight against these influences
if we wanted to do anything that was definitely our own.
But once we begin to re-invent love for the two persons we are and are becoming,
then the next phase of our relationship will be whatever we decide it will be.

We conduct our relationship by making daily decisions
about what we will do together.
And we make major transformations of our relationship
by discussing and deciding what new things we will try.
With each new experiment in our relationship,
we will evaluate the results as seen from both sides.
We will abandon the changes that did not work for us.
And we will continue and develop the new dimensions that we both like.

Lusting and 'falling in love' are only the beginning.
After we get beyond sex and romance,
we can use our creativity to re-invent love.

SEPARATING LUST AND LOVE

Connecting with other persons is an important dimensions of living.

One of the first things that draws us to other people is our sexual response.
But because lust responds to abstract characteristics of the other,
we might find simple sex a deficient basis for an on-going relationship.

Parallel to our sexual responses we also find ourselves 'falling in love'.
This emotional response has deep roots in our Western culture.
But romantic love is also a deficient basis for a meaningful relationship.

Beyond lust and love, it is still possible to create relationships
based on the persons we are inventing ourselves to be.
Beyond sexual and emotional givens,
we can love freely and creatively.

OUTLINE:
I. LUST—RESPONDING TO IMPRINTED SEXUAL FANTASIES.

A. Where Does Lust Come From?

B. Does Our Lust-Response Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

C. How Should We Respond to the Lust We Find within Ourselves?

II. ROMANTIC LOVE—HOW OUR HEARTS WERE TRAINED TO 'FALL IN LOVE'.

A. Where Does Romantic Love Come From?

B. Does Our Romantic Response Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

C. How Should We Respond to the Romantic Feelings We Find within Ourselves?

III. BEYOND BOTH LUST AND LOVE—CREATING UNIQUE RELATIONSHIPS.

A. Where Do Relationships Come From?

B. Do Our Loving Relationships Change and Mature Over a Life-Time?

C. How Do We Conduct and Transform Our Loving Relationships?

SEPARATING LUST AND LOVE

Lust thinks

Lust is a primary ingredient of sex addiction. In our correspondence with sex addicts, we find that people are often confused about what lust is. Lust is harmful to the body, mind and spirit, and it can easily be mistaken for love. Lust has the opposite effect of love.

Definitions (Webster’s 9th New Collegiate Dictionary):
Lust: (n) Intense or unbridled sexual desire, lasciviousness...an intense longing: craving; (v) to have an intense desire or need, crave
Desire: (n) Conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment... longing, craving...Sexual urge or appetite

How lust got started: One of the Greek words for lust is Epithumia (Strong’s #1939), meaning the "desire for what is forbidden." It is based on the lie that the forbidden pleasures are worth the cost (see sex addiction lies). Satan used this lie in the Garden and Eden. He suggested that eating the forbidden fruit would bring great god-like wisdom and the punishment wouldn't be that bad. This strongly appealed to Eve (Pride of Life), who also liked the fruit's appearance (lust of the eyes), and wanted to eat it (lust of the flesh). She discovered that the fruit did not deliver what she thought it would. The consequences included curses and separation from God.

What God says about lust: Lust is sin (Matthew 5:28) and sin is death (Romans 6:23). Jesus said, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 NKJV). When we entertain fantasies through pornography, masturbation, voyeurism, adultery, fornication, phone sex, etc., we sin with our minds. According to Jesus, that's the same as committing the act.

Lust and pornography: Pornography uses the same lies that Satan used in the Garden of Eden. Porn images tempt our eyes and flesh to lust (see how porn works page). James described the temptation process in James 1:14-15 NKJV: "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death." Sin by lust causes the death of innocence, sexual health, the ability to love and sensitivity to God.

What lust does to us: Lust has many destructive effects. The most serious effect is that lust corrupts our ability to love God. John explained that lust is a way of loving the world. He wrote, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (1 John 2:15-17 NKJV). Lust cripples our ability to give and receive love, and blocks God's love from working in us. See our page Lust vs. Love for more information.

Other effects of lust include slavery to sin, dissatisfaction, blocked blessings, separation from God, ruin, self-hatred and hardening of our heart. For an in-depth look at these, see our What Lust Does page.

Prayers: Removing lust from your life begins with confessing and repenting from our lust. We can pray this simple prayer to confess our sin to God:

"Lord, I confess that I have lusted in these specific ways: ……(name them all). I see my attitudes as sinful. I am sorry for grieving your heart in my pursuit of carnal pleasure with my eyes and mind. I ask Your forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ. Thank you, Lord, for this forgiveness I have in Jesus Christ."

Repenting from our sin is just as important as confessing it (Luke 13:3). Repentance means to turn from our sin and commit to living for God. We must sincerely turn from our sin and avoid it from this point forward:

"Lord Jesus, I turn from my lustful ways now, and I surrender every source I have used for lust: ....(name them all). I cast them off from my mind and body, committing my eyes, mind and body to serving you in holiness with your help. Lord, please teach me, strengthen me, guide me, and draw me close to You for the difficult road ahead. Thank You, Jesus, Amen."

Lust : CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: Lust

24hoursnewsThe inordinate craving for, or indulgence of, the carnal pleasure which is experienced in the human organs of generation.

The wrongfulness of lust is reducible to this: that venereal satisfaction is sought for either outside wedlock or, at any rate, in a manner which is contrary to the laws that govern marital intercourse. Every such criminal indulgence is a mortal sin, provided of course, it be voluntary in itself and fully deliberate. This is the testimony of St. Paul in the Epistle to the Galatians, v. 19:

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are fornication, uncleanness, immodesty, luxury, . . . Of the which I foretell you, as I have foretold to you, that they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God."
Moreover, if it be true the gravity of the offences may be measured by the harm they work to the individual or the community, there can be no doubt that lust has in this respect a gravity all its own. Transgressions against the virtues other than purity frequently admit of a minor degree of malice, and are accounted venial. Impurity has the evil distinction that, whenever there is a direct conscious surrender to any of its phases the guilt incurred is always grievous. This judgment, however, needs modifying when there is question of some impure gratification for which a person is responsible, not immediately, but because he had posited its cause, and to which he has not deliberately consented. The act may then be only venially sinful. For the determination of the amount of its wickedness much will depend upon the apprehended proximate danger of giving way on the part of the agent, as well as upon the known capacity of the thing done to bring about venereal pleasure. This teaching applies to external and internal sins alike: "Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). However the case may stand as to the extent of the obligation under which one lies to refrain in certain circumstances from actions whose net result is to excite the passions, moralists are at one as to the counsel they give. They all emphasize the perils of the situation, and point out the practical dangers of a failure to refrain. It matters not that there is not, as we suppose, an initial sinful intent. The sheerest prudence and most rudimentary self-knowledge alike demand abstinence, where possible, from things which, though not grievously bad in themselves, yet easily fan into flame the unholy fire which may be smouldering, but it is not extinct.

Lust is said to be a capital sin. The reason is obvious. The pleasure which this vice has as its object is at once so attractive and connatural to human nature as to whet keenly a man's desire, and so lead him into the commission of many other disorders in the pursuit of it. Theologians ordinarily distinguish various forms of lust in so far as it is a consummated external sin, e.g., fornication, adultery, incest, criminal assault, abduction, and sodomy. Each of these has its own specific malice--a fact to borne in mind for purposes of safeguarding the integrity of sacramental confession.

Technorati : lust defination, lust factor

Way to overcome lust for sex .

To experience God's grace, we must first recognize our need. (See "How can I tell if I'm getting addicted to sex or pornography?") We must turn to him and others for help. That's not easy. Perhaps you realize that you have a problem but still believe you can handle it alone. Guys hate to admit defeat. We don't want to ask for help.

You Can't Overpower Your Lust

The apostle Paul understood our predicament. He told the Romans, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

I'm not suggesting that Paul struggled with compulsive sexual behavior, but he did struggle with sin-just like the rest of us. And like the rest of us, he would make up his mind not to commit a certain sin ever again. Did he succeed? No way! Now, if the apostle Paul couldn't overpower his sin, why should you and I think we can?

Even in a world free of erotic images, men don't control their lust. My oldest son called me last week from Pakistan. In that country men and women never hang out together. And women are covered with clothing from their head to their feet. Yet my son said he met a guy who offered to introduce him to some prostitutes.

If men in a country like that can't control their lust, how can we? From the moment we get up in the morning until we climb between the sheets at night, we're bombarded with erotic images and messages.

Suppose you made up your mind you were going to make it through one day without lusting after a woman. On your way to work your eyes are drawn to the bikini-clad model greeting you from a billboard. A few moments later as you stop at an intersection, you aren't able to keep from noticing the attractively dressed young woman crossing the street.

At work a friend brags about the gorgeous babe he bedded the night before. As you order lunch, the waitress with the short skirt winks at you and smiles. When you get back to the office, a coworker eagerly shows you his favorite erotic image on the Internet.

On your way home you stop at the grocery store and catch yourself gazing at the seminude models that adorn the magazines by the checkout counter.

When you finally get home, you plop down in an easy chair and flip on the TV. As you channel surf, you're exposed to more of the female anatomy than I found in the pages of Playboy when I was a kid.

With the high level of erotic stimulation you face on a daily basis, do you believe you can bridle your lust alone? I remember a friend once telling me (and he said this with a straight face), "I'll never have a problem with sexual lust."

I looked at him and said, "You're absolutely amazing. If that's true, you're stronger than Samson, godlier that David, and wiser than Solomon."

I'll never forget his response. He sat down and stared at me for a half minute without uttering a word. And then he said, "I never though of it like that."

I'll guarantee you, if Samson, David, and Solomon were here, they'd all say, "You can't defeat your lust alone!"

You Can't Reform Your Lust

"OK," you may be thinking, "maybe I can't beat it. But I can make myself better. I can reform my lust."

I frequently talk with new Christians who think that becoming a follower of Christ means the lust problem is solved. It's as though they think Jesus waved some sort of magic wand over them and-presto!-their sinful nature was transformed. Their lust was gone.

When they discover that their problem with lust seems even worse than before, they decide they'll study the Bible and pray more. Much to their surprise, that doesn't seem to solve the problem, either.

Listen to Paul's words. In Romans 7:10-11 he said, "The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong."[1]

As sinful human beings, our lustful appetites are so evil, they'll use God's good commands to tempt us. Like a rod stirring up dirt that has settled to the bottom of a jar of water, so God's law excites our lust. Forbidden things are more exciting. Women who are off-limits take on a greater appeal. God says don't and our lust says do. God says do and our lust says don't.

Trying to reform our lust is like trying to make a dog into a person. For thirteen years a buff-colored cocker spaniel named Pumpkin graced our family. Over those years I taught Pumpkin all kinds of tricks. She obeyed the common commands like sit, lie down, and roll over. I also trained her to jump through a hoop, close a door, sit on her hind legs, and fall over as though dead when I shot her with an imaginary gun.

Yet in spite of all my training, I couldn't keep Pumpkin from acting like a dog. She always did doggy things. She ate things people tried not to step in. She sniffed other dogs in places only dogs sniff. She went to the bathroom in public. No matter how well I trained Pumpkin, she was still a dog.

Similarly, your sinful propensity doesn't reform when you enter a church. It doesn't change when you come to faith in Christ. You can go to church, read your Bible, pray daily, and even lead a ministry without reforming your sinful nature. Paul said, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature" (Romans 7:18).

When we fall under the domination of our sinful nature, we're capable of doing anything evil, whether we're believers or not. When controlled by our lust, we can no more do good than a dog can talk.

Yet when dealing with their lust, men sometimes think they can reform it. They deny its evil power.

You may grow as a Christian. You may become more like Christ in your spiritual nature. But in the flesh, in your sinful nature, you're no better than the day you trusted Christ. And because your lust is driven by sin, you can't reform it.

You Can't Starve Your Lust

One of the problems I have with a lot of recovery programs is that their primary emphasis is on abstinence. They think the key to defeating an addiction is to stop the behavior. Now, please don't misunderstand me. We can't control any addiction unless we stop acting out. But if that's all we do, it won't work. We'll simply change addictions. For example, our lust will transfer from sex to alcohol. And if we stop drinking, it will move on to shopping or work or gambling.

It's impossible to starve our lust to death. Until the day we're with the Lord, we'll struggle with sin. A number of years ago I read a poem that describes the struggle and defeat we experience when we fight against our lust alone. W It's entitled "The Yipiyuk" (by Shel Silverstein).

In the swamplands long ago,
Where the weeds and mudglumps grow,
A Yipiyuk bit on my toe…
Exactly why I do not know.
I kicked and cried and hollered "Oh!"
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
I whispered to him soft and low.
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
Yes, that was sixteen years ago,
And the Yipiyuk still won't let go.
The snow may fall, the winds may blow.
The Yipiyuk will not let go.
I drag him 'round each place I go,
And now my child at last you know
exactly why I walk so slow.

Like the Yipiyuk, your sinful nature will resist letting go. For a while you may ignore it. Later you may insist it doesn't really have a hold on you. But if you hope to break its power, you must first realize it's there and admit you don't have the power to dislodge it.

Hopefully, you'll tire of fighting a losing battle. Paul did. In desperation he cried out, "Oh, what a terrible predicament I'm in! Who will free me from … this deadly lower nature?" (Romans 7:24 LB).

If someone as spiritually together as Paul realized he was fighting a losing battle, isn't it time for you to do the same thing? I know giving up isn't easy. But it's a step you must take if you're going to find lasting freedom.

You may now begin to see your powerlessness to overcome your lust, and sense your need for God's help.

Technorati : overcome lust for sex

"My Lust For Sex"

by an Anonymous Female, age 43


"I was so glad to find a story at this site about another Christian female that was addicted to sex. However, she was 19 and I am in my forties."
Sex became an addiction to me when I was only a teenager. I became promiscuous at a very early age. My father was always too busy for me and he and my mother were divorced when I was six.
While they were married, my bed was always in their bedroom with them due to the fact that we were poor and didn't have enough money for a 3 bedroom house and I had two older sisters. I don't remember ever seeing them have sex, but I must have at some point.

As a young teenager, I was approached by other girls older than I to have sex with them out of curiosity and I did. I really enjoyed it but I wouldn't admit it. Due to rejection of love from both parents I turned to boys to find love, and my sexual addiction only escalated from there. I always had sex with almost every boyfriend I had from the time I was 15 on. I have no idea how I didn't get pregnant - surely it must have been the grace of God. I always fell in love with each boy but they always dumped me after they got the sex that they wanted.

My first husband was a Christian who was brought up in a very strict Christian home, but was addicted to pornography. After we got married I caught him masturbating in the bathroom. He confessed that he did it daily over any female he had encountered that day. One time he put a porno magazine over my back while we had sex. I knew that was the last straw. Even though I had been promiscuous, I never knew that a woman could masturbate and I thought it violated my relationship with my husband.

I left him and dated a guy in my twenties who taught me about masturbation, toys, pornography, having sex with multiple partners, etc. I dated him for two years.

I was saved as a teenager but because of my addiction to sex, my relationship with God has always been hindered - sometimes to an almost non-existent point. During the time I dated this man (who was 8 years older than I), I encountered bisexual relationships and learned that I had a very strong appetite for sex, whether it be with a man or a woman.

During that time, I basically put God on the shelf because I felt that God would rather I be hot or cold and if I were lukewarm He would spew me out of his mouth.


"So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
--Rev. 3:16

After I caught this man with another woman, I left him and starting having an affair with a married man. I hoped he would leave her but he didn't. I tried living with a couple of different guys at different times, always falling in love, but the relationships always ended. I also had affairs with other married men, but they never left their wives. I also continued to have sex with women and go to gay bars so that I would be picked up. I never would get serious with them because I was only wanting sex - not a relationship. I knew I wasn't gay, but I had to satisfy that urge in me to be with a woman.
I married again in my late twenties and had children. I put all my sexual addictions on the shelf. However, that marriage broke up also because of his infidelity. He couldn't be true to me during our whole marriage. For five years after that I went back into my wild lifestyle and had sex with men and women.

I did quit for a while and I've been more close to God since that time. I am now married again. However, for some reason, lately, the sex drive that I have been keeping stuffed inside of me has come out again. I now feel as though I could very easily go out and bring another woman home for my husband and share her with him. My lust for sex has escalated to a higher point than when I was in my twenties. My husband can barely keep up with me. I've rented porn movies and been given one by a Christian friend of mine. She seems to think that anything that goes on inside of marriage is ok if it doesn't hurt your partner and it is agreed upon.

I now get on the Internet and go into chat rooms and have cybersex with anyone I can find - male or female. As usual I've put God on the shelf because there is no way I can pray to Him and ask for His forgiveness knowing fully well that when my hormones rage again, I will continue in my quest to fulfill my lust.

My spiritual life has never been this low and I don't know if I can recover. Hebrews 10 talks about tasting the Holy Spirit and then being given over to your lusts for the salvation of your soul
For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins..."
--Hebrews 10:26
I've written a Christian message board site and asked for prayer. I didn't get specific about my problems, just that I was failing and falling into a bottomless pit. My husband has participated sometimes and has been addicted to porn since he was also in his twenties. However, he gets convicted and goes back to church where I cannot. I cannot play games with God. I know I need deliverance, but I don't know if I can give up my lusts just yet. I need help!
Please pray for me and the other women who also suffer from this addiction. It's not just a man's addiction any longer...

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LUST IS UNLIMITED

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Lust trumps love when it comes to having sex

Study finds there aren't many gender differences in reasons for intimacy.

After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations.

It's more about lust in the body than a love connection in the heart.

College-aged men and women agree on their top reasons for having sex - they were attracted to the person, they wanted to experience physical pleasure and "it feels good," according to a peer-reviewed study in the August edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior. Twenty of the top 25 reasons given for having sex were the same for men and women.

Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: "I was attracted to the person."

Researchers at the University of Texas spent five years and their own money to study the overlooked why behind sex while others were spending their time on the how.

"It's refuted a lot of gender stereotypes ... that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love," said University of Texas clinical psychology professor Cindy Meston, the study's co-author. "That's not what I came up with in my findings."

Few gender differences
Forget thinking that men are from Mars and women from Venus, "the more we look, the more we find similarity," said Dr. Irwin Goldstein, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego. Goldstein, who wasn't part of Meston's study, said the Texas research made a lot of sense and adds to growing evidence that the vaunted differences in the genders may only be among people with sexual problems.

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women - ranging in age from 17 to 52 - to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from "It's fun" which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease" which ranked on the bottom by women.

Once they came up with that long list, Meston and Buss asked 1,549 college students taking psychology classes to rank the reasons on a one-to-five scale on how they applied to their experiences.

"None of the gender differences are all that great," Meston said. "Men were more likely to be opportunistic towards having sex, so if sex were there and available they would jump on it, somewhat more so than women. Women were more likely to have sex because they felt they needed to please their partner."

But this is among college students, when Meston conceded "hormones run rampant." She predicted huge differences when older groups of people are studied.

Since her study came out Tuesday, people are coming up with new reasons to have sex.

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A lesson : Having sex in First Time

Its general ,,all youngs have lust for sex.... its natural.

There can be lot of pressure to lose your virginity - that is, to have sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex with someone just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later.

You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you 'go all the way' - have sex. You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some worries but good communication will really help to prevent you feeling embarrassed or worried. You should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel about having sex for the first time, and about any concerns you may have. Your partner might be worried, too. Being relaxed and able to share things with your partner will really ease the tension. And if you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner - then you probably shouldn't be having sex!

Having sexual intercourse - when a boy's hard penis goes inside a girl's vagina, or even just touches the outside of her vagina - is what leads to pregnancy. So, before having sexual intercourse you should think about whether you need to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and condoms to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs).

Can a girl become pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse?
Yes, a girl can become pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse. So, you must use contraception the first time you have sexual intercourse, if you don't want to risk becoming a parent.

What about the law?
The age of consent, that is the age at which it is legal to have sex, depends on which country you are in, and in the United States the law is different in different states (see our teens, sex and the law page for further details).

In England and Wales, the law says it's illegal for a boy or a girl to have sex with a girl or a boy who is under sixteen.

Sex and love
For some people sexual feelings are bound up with love and close relationships. Some people think sex should only happen within marriage. For some people sex and love are two different things.

What is important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). But also emotional risk such as the regret you may feel afterwards.

When are you ready for sex?
There is no absolute right age to start having sex. What matters is whether it is the right time for you. It also depends on what you mean by 'having sex'. There are many ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse.

Giving each other massages, kissing and hugging can be very passionate. It's a way of sharing and showing love. For some people these activities can be more fulfilling than sexual intercourse.

You get pressure from people talking about sex. You think, 'I've got to go and see what it's like'. It's hard, but you've got to resist and do what you want.

It's very important not to feel pressurised into having sex when you don't really want to. Just because your friends say they are 'doing it' doesn't mean they are.

Thinking through all the implications of having sex can be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. You may feel that you are not ready emotionally. Being pushed into having sex could mean you regret it later on. Some people have quite strong religious or cultural beliefs. Others just want to wait.

Some people call this decision to wait 'abstinence'. The decision to abstain from having sex can be either a long-term decision or a short-term one. Some people decide that they do not want to start having sex until they are married or in a significant long-term relationship. Other people may decide that having sex isn't the right thing for them at this particular time. Later on they may meet a person who they want and feel ready to have sex with. The decision whether to have sex or not is an important one. You should do what is right for you. It should be an informed decision, and not one based on fear or pressure from others.

But when a boy and girl do decide they want to have sexual intercourse, they should think about using a contraceptive unless they want to become parents. Gay men should also think about using condoms. Condoms can help stop infections like HIV as well as reducing the risk of getting pregnant.

If you're thinking about having sexual intercourse, why not read our ten question checklist to help you decide if you're ready?

How exactly do you have sexual intercourse? What position is best?
Sexual intercourse between a boy and a girl starts with both of them getting sexually excited as a result of kissing, stroking, caressing rubbing and touching each other. This sexual excitement will result in certain physical signs of sexual excitement. For the girl, the vagina, the sexual opening between the legs begins to moisten. The boy will get an erection, which means his penis will get bigger and harden. It is important that this stimulation goes on for long enough, because if the girl is not sexually excited enough, then her vagina will not be lubricated and moist enough, and it will be difficult for the boy's penis to enter the girl's vagina.

When the couple are both ready to have sexual intercourse (and this includes the boy putting a condom on if he is going to use one), it is probably easiest if either the boy or the girl uses their hand to guide the penis into the vagina. Then, once the penis is inside, the couple need to move their bodies so that the penis pushes into the vagina and then pulls partly out again. After a while this movement can lead to orgasm (coming or climaxing) for one or both of them.

There are quite a number of different positions in which you can have sexual intercourse. One very common position involves both the boy and the girl lying down, with the boy lying on top (This is often referred to as the missionary position). Alternatively the girl can be on top or both the boy and the girl can lie on their sides. It is probably easiest to choose one of these positions if you are having sexual intercourse for the first time. However, you can also have sexual intercourse with both the boy and the girl sitting down, one on the other, or both can be standing up. What is most important about whichever position you choose, is that it provides stimulation and enjoyment for both of you.

Will first time sex hurt?
Many boys and girls are concerned that it will hurt the first time they have sexual intercourse. It can hurt and some girls do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already have broken her hymen without knowing about it. For example, this can happen as a result of playing sports or horse riding.

AVERT.org has more information about having sex for the first time and losing your virginity.

Some accounts from young people
Some first time sex stories have a happy ending, while others are full of regrets. Below is a selection of typical experiences.

At their house
"I lost my virginity when I was 13 and I still am 13 today. It hurt bad and I was so scared. I knew I couldn't tell anyone except my friend who was there. The worst part of my story is that the guy was 18. This is how my story goes.

"One night I stayed the night at my friend's house. We were talking to these guys I had only known for like a couple of months. They said that they would come and pick us up from her apartment. So we got ready and then they came. I didn't think that anything would happen because I had gone and hung-out with them before at their house. But this time it was different. My whole life was about to change.

"When we got to their house we just hung out and watched T.V. Then I laid on his bed and he jumped on me while my friend and his brother were watching a movie and making out. He started to finger me and then all the sudden I realize I am having sex. I think what made me not say no was because my friend had already had it and I wanted to, but I didn't think it would ever happen in a million years and especially when my friend and his brother were in the room.

"Well me and my friend haven't told anyone and I am too scared to say anything to anyone because I don't want people to think I am a hoe or I am easy or anything. But now I have to live with the guilt of not being able to tell my mom or anyone at that. Me and my mom have talked about sex and I said that I would never do it unless I was like older but I lied to myself and my mom. It made and still makes me feel so bad. I feel like kind of dirty now, but I think eventually I will get over it in time."

Deciding to wait
"When we'd been going out a while everyone started treating us like a couple. People assume because you're going out you have to do everything together. And, once you're an item its only a matter of time before they assume that you're having sex.

"But you see, we've sort of decided to wait a bit longer before we do it. I mean, we have kissed and felt each other and all that sort of thing, you know, maybe just going a little bit further each time, and sometimes I have just wanted to get it over with. You know, the first time - I've heard people say, 'you might as well get it over with, it isn't very good so why wait?'"

Simon
"I'd known Simon for ages, but it wasn't until Year 11 that we started going out. That was two years ago now and we've been together ever since. After about a year we both felt we wanted to have sex, go all the way. We'd nearly done it anyway what with all the snogging and fumbling we'd done on sofas and at discos. Because we were friends and talked a lot we talked about sex too.

"I know we were both really nervous, but talking and laughing really helped. Plus we were able to make sure nothing drastic happened. Although we loved each other loads we certainly didn't want a baby at seventeen or to put our health at risk. So we went together to the clinic, sorted things out so that there wouldn't be any worries.

"We made sure we picked the right time and the right place too. It would have been awful for someone to walk in on us, during our private time. What was it like? - Well it's difficult to describe because I'd never felt anything like it before really. I'd had orgasms through masturbation before, but sharing yourself with someone you love and respect was really good. It brought us closer together."

A great party?
"I was round at Terry's. It was a great party. Loads of people were there. I was just standing around with my mate Steve and I see this girl over his shoulder. She smiles at me, right, so I give it the business. You know, I talk to Steve but every now and then laugh really loud and look at her again, smiling loads. She kept smiling back, so I moved in. We get talking and everything's going fine. She laughed at my jokes. Next thing I know she's looking at me all soppy and we kiss. Then it all got out of control. She's whispering to me to come upstairs - you know - and I said, 'you go on, I'll come in a minute, I've got to go to the loo first', or something.

"Anyway she goes off and Steve comes over. He's really excited, going on about 'taking my chances' and 'having it off'. I didn't know what to say. I mean I was really excited about the kiss still and he's saying that I must be a right stud to pull a girl like that. It is true, I have had lots of girlfriends but it doesn't mean I'm experienced. I mean, I'm really good at the chatting up and smooth-talking but I've never actually done it. Slept with someone. But I couldn't tell him that could I?

"Anyway I went upstairs, and found her in the bedroom, with all the lights off on top of a pile of coats. She had taken off half her clothes. I had been intending to say something. All the way upstairs I'd been thinking, 'tell her, tell her you're a virgin.' But how could I? I just knew she thought I wanted to have sex. I was thinking, 'I don't want it like this, what about protection and that?'

"It was awful, looking back, but I did it. I fumbled around and we were hardly talking so eventually, after a bit of wrestling I got it in and it lasted about 10 seconds. I just got dressed and left. I kept thinking, 'well I've done it but what could it have been like?'"

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